Wow, I sure didn't mean to stay away from the blog this long, but there were things that needed attention and fun events too.
One of them was this. Learning to trust. Of course this is a life long process and I'm pretty sure when I'm eighty, I will be able to make the same kind of statement. There is always more with God and that is just so exciting. And comforting. And, so mysterious.
He's led me to another question. What is holding you back? Who is holding you back? What false assumptions are holding you back? Holding you back from growing. An answer this week was so very surprising. And to be honest, painful and sad. And, now the answer leads me to yet a new way of trusting. I feel just like my photo sometimes. Just dipping my toe into the water of trust like my daughter Nora. Or other times like Audrey on the left. Not even ready to dip my toe. No, not ready at all, just only able to study a bit this idea of trust and where He would like to lead me.
It is a practice for sure. When the seizures and sicknesses were at the worst and I couldn't sleep for the fear that gripped me like death. I could not just "trust" and go to sleep. The idea was foreign and unattainable. But, I knew that was what I had to do. So, I decided I would just practice it. I told myself I didn't have to surrender and trust completely, just try it for 5 minutes and then I could pick back up all the fear and think I had some kind of control over it again. Sometimes it was only for a few minutes that I could actually do it. Sometimes I could only pretend to trust and that is what I'd tell God. I'm pretending, because I don't know how. But, I want to. And, that is how I would eventually fall asleep. I'd trust for a few minutes and it would be just enough to let the adrenaline calm down a bit for the extreme fatigue to take over.
Now, it's become a regular practice in so many different areas of my life. Practicing it. Looking at the place He is asking me to go. Then dipping my toe in just a bit. Testing out the waters of trust. And, you know what? I've actually sailed on some of those waters. This past week I learned there was a new body of water that I needed to examine. I've already dipped my toe.
Trusting. It's a practice.
And, He beckons full of merciful love.